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OITNB Season 5 Episode 7 & 8

full bush half snickers - orange is the new black

Spoiler Alert

Full Bush, Half Snickers – Tied to the Rails

This week John & I watched episodes 7 & 8 of Orange is the New Black.  Here’s my recap and our thoughts.

Inside, the inmates are working together to clean up the prison as their families surround the prison. They watch the pile of flaming snacks outside we saw started last week.  And Doggett is met with some skepticism as she begins her “community service”.  She makes a batch of “yellow drink” that looks a bit like urine; it’s made by soaking all the yellow candies from the commissary in water, but her peers seem to enjoy.

An angry Leanne squashes Doggett’s good deed by actually urinating in the yellow drink; payback for blowing off her finger has just begun.

“Is that piss? Cuz I don’t do that no more.” -Zirconia

Suzanna “Crazy Eyes” is actually going crazy since her escape from medical.  Doggett finds her in the visitation room; she is talking to the air as if her parents were sitting in front of her; Suzanne admits she’s having some of her “bad feelings”.  Later, she is discovered again by Black Cindy and Abdula; they debate over her possession or suffering from mental illness.

Black Cindy and Alison concoct a plan to help make Suzanna feel like things are still kinda normal.  Things get a little intense as Cindy shows the guards what it’s like to be under the scrutiny of precise bed making and have it ripped apart for a search.  After which, the hostaged guards are left to play camp-story in a circle with Suzanna, which turns into a less creepy version of “circle-jerk”.   For Alison, the story time resurfaces memories of the outside.

Piper and Taystee are still working together and appear to be bonding, for now.  But the waiting around makes Tastee miss Poussey.  Together the two develop a plan to memorialize Poussey.  Piper and her need to lead something goes on a mission to find other’s to help.  Their auditions prove ridiculous.  Although, Maritza & Flaca are enlisted to provide makeovers to their prison mates; their first client is “Eyebrows” aka. Blanca.  She looks quite stunning, yet still struggles to be seductive while distracting Ardash, the prison’s only medical staff.

“That’s right, he’s my Bollywood Prince.” -Elise

While Blanca is making her best effort to be sexy, a desperate Red scalpels off Hump’s fingerprint to unlock his cell phone.  Hasn’t the evil Humps had enough? mmm… we think not.  But the scheme works and Red uses Humphries phone to text Piscatella and pursue a plot to lure him into the prison for a confession.

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Lorna may be crazy.  Or baby – maybe?

We discovered a little earlier this season that Lorna presumes she is pregnant.  The obvious thing to do is tell her husband.  Lorna makes use of a cell phone and calls Vinne via FaceTime, so she can tell him the good news.  Before she can finish the conversation, Vinnie hangs up and rushes to the prison.  When he arrives Lorna runs out onto the roof with a giant painted sign.  LASAGNA IN THE OVEN.  A crazy Italian woman’s code for “I’m pregnant”.  As expected, Vinnie dips.

Inside the prison, our skinheads and Hispanics are working together – until someone steals the coffee and a fight breaks out.     “Von ___” finds herself aroused by Boo’s violent ability to stand up for her and the two make a visit to carpet town.

We were particularly moved by a beautiful scene where Alison and other woman are both using the chapel to pray.

“Full bush, half snickers.  Revolting women, my sisters.” -Helen

Soso proposes a different master plan to memorialize Poussey while Taystee teases.  But the two come together when Soso’s memorial is revealed and Soso apologizes for their argument in episode 6.  Alex and Nicky come inside two works of art by Maritz and Flaca; sparks are flying in all directions.

Alex and Nicky come inside two works of art by Maritz and Flaca; sparks are flying in all directions.  Alex and Piper duck away for some nookie.  And a distraught Lorna catches Nicky making out with a prison newcomer.

We finally catch up with Gloria as she’s receiving a call about her son.  The caller informs her that Benny is in the hospital.  A little later, episode eight reveals that he is in a coma after being beaten up.  She goes to The Poo to talk to Caputo about getting a furlough.   Of course, Caputo is in no condition to grant anything to anyone from the port-a-potty, but he does offer her some advice for reaching someone who can possibly help.

“So if I just took a shit in a can and labeled it chili, are you gonna eat that?” – Nicky

Red and Blanca pursue tricking Piscatella to break into the prison basement; they find Nicky in the pharmacy and ask for needles.  Nicky, being the wise-old-druggie recognizes that the pair are on some kind of drugs and confronts them.  Blanca shows the vitamins to Nicky, who tells her what they’ve been taking are pharmaceutical grade speed.  Nicky makes Red stay and prepares her for the withdrawal.  But Blanca takes off to resume putting together a boobie trap.

I think Red has a deeper understanding of Nicky now.

“No Ma, you’re the shark.  But that don’t mean I’m the fuckin Manatee.” – Daya

Judy King is ready to tell her story in an exclusive on tv and is #notimpressed to find Aleida is also ready to claim some fame.  King tells the journalist about the guard shooting.  In what appears to be an act of revenge, she clues Aleida into the fact that it was Daya who pulled the trigger.  Aleida gets Daya on the phone, who basically tells her go to hell.  Along the way, we get to see a lot of backstory on the relationship of Daya and her mother.

This long-coming showdown leads Daya to make a final decision about her daughter.  She calls Ms. Powell and confesses that her mother lied to Powell about the baby’s death and the truth of the baby’s whereabouts.  Pornstache, believing himself to be the father still, begs his mother to agree to the adoption.  Daya’s stipulations are only that they learn to pronounce her name, Amaria, properly and give the child some space to make her own decisions.

“Man, I’m sick of season recaps… It’s like sniffing a bag of Doritos and not being able to snack strong.” – Black Cindy

Leanne and her thugs forbid Doggett from urinating every place appropriate.  So, Doggett finds a private corner of the hallway.  She seeks Boo to help get Leanne off her back.  A confrontation with the meth’s leads to a mean headbutt; after which Doggett is dragged out to The Poo and she’s taped in along with Caputo and the guard.

The SWAT team also sees the feature on tv and calls Piscatella out, questioning his texts from a claimed Humphrey.  They accuse him of making it up to get them to storm the prison.

Figeroa arrives to talk negotiations with Taystee and crew.  Fig’s tough and manipulative.  But Taystee isn’t having it and just when it seems to be making an impact… Things go south fast.  Just as I feared, that ‘pending no casualties’ clause of the demands was going to be an issue.  Word of the shooting makes it to Fig during negotiations.  The ladies talk it over and decide to turn Daya in.

The girls come to collect Daya.  Alex and the others stand to protect Daya.  But Daya has come to own what she has done and turns herself in, with hopes that negotiations can continue.

“I mean trained.  And human.” – Taystee


The guards are managing their time with Suzanna just fine when Black Cindy and Alison left them. They also called the Hispanics back to come make sure it stayed that way.  For Ouija, Zirconia, and Pidge, a little sexual harassment goes a long way.  Suzanne sticks up for the guards, but this only frustrates the Hispanics; so they decide to take the guards back to the bubble.  Suzanne has an all-out hissy fit and she’s left tied to the bed rails.

It looks like Gloria is about to take Caputo’s advice.  She sneaks into his office and dials #3 and gets Pearson’s office.

The night is winding down peacefully, although, we see Piscatella cut a lock from the prison door.  And the episode ends.

Until next time…

While that was a lot to cover… I’m sure I’ve intentionally left you some goodies that require a re-watch. 🙂


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